


chasing rollercoasters

by rainbow_porcupine_ninja



Series: the crown hangs heavy on either side [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur comes back, Based On A Panic! At The Disco Song, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Merlin (Merlin), Poor Merlin, Reincarnation, he is happy though, they love each other okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24876103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_porcupine_ninja/pseuds/rainbow_porcupine_ninja
Summary: It’s been millennia, and Arthur’s finally coming back.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: the crown hangs heavy on either side [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799977
Comments: 15
Kudos: 111





	chasing rollercoasters

**Author's Note:**

> look, i just wanted to write some fluff, because i’m tired of feeling sad all the time. this is sort of a continuation of my other fanfiction in this series but you can read it alone!!
> 
> anyway. hey look guys its happy!! i can write fluff i swear! i promise! trust me!

Merlin sits next to the lake for the last time. 

‘I love you,’ he says, almost offhandedly, like he has done every year since the First World War, when the sounds of pain and suffering were getting too much, when he realised that Arthur wasn’t coming back. When he had realised that Kilgharrah had lied.

He said a lot of things then, too.

A lot of things have happened since then. Yet here he is.

Merlin caresses the surface of the water with one finger, watching it swirl around with his light touch. He’s noticed over the years that his longing for Arthur recedes the closer he is to the lake; a sort of numbing to the agony that never improves, even with age and distraction. Merlin welcomes it, rolling up his pant legs and swinging his legs over the side of the dock where he’s sitting. Feeling the cold water of Avalon wrap around his feet and making him  _ feel _ something other than the fact that Arthur is mere metres under the ground in the Lady of the Lake’s grasp, and has always been  _ just _ out of reach.

“This is the last time you’ll be seeing me, old friend,” Merlin breathes, looking down at the reflection in the water longingly. “Don’t worry about me, though. I’m sure I’ll join you soon enough.”

The water doesn’t reply.

“I’ll miss you, Arthur, like always,” Merlin continues, “But maybe I’ll find other things to miss. Ripped jeans. iPods. Who knows? This world always spins too fast for its own good.”

And so Merlin stands up, shaking the lake water off his legs, and wipes away a stray tear that’s escaped from his brimming eyes. Goodbye, Arthur. He voices the sentiment aloud, back turned to the lake at last.

“Not a chance, you idiot.”

Wild-eyed, Merlin spins, and there he is, standing at the end of the dock. Just a few feet away. 

There  _ Arthur _ is, standing there dripping wet with seaweed in his hair, and he looks so  _ real _ and exactly how he looked all that time ago in Camelot.

Merlin just stands there for a moment, forgetting how to breathe.

“Hello, Merlin,” Arthur says with the haughtiness that he’s always possessed, and Merlin chokes on tears.

  
  


Then he runs to Arthur, almost slipping on the wet planks. He grabs onto Arthur's rusted chain mail with both hands, tackling him, and the momentum carries them both off the wooden dock and into the icy waters below.

They sink for a moment, locked in a tight embrace. Then Merlin remembers where they are and kicks up, gasping for air. He tugs Arthur up to the surface with him, and there Arthur is in his arms again.

“Hello,  _ Mer _ lin,” Arthur says after coughing up some lake water, smiling that  _ stupid _ smug grin. Merlin sobs once more, an ugly wretched sound, and smashes their mouths together. 

Arthur sighs and pulls Merlin closer into a tight embrace, and now with no one to keep them upright they start sinking.

It’s okay, though, because Merlin’s got Arthur and he’s never letting him go.

  
  


Fast forward now— to them crawling onto the beach and collapsing on the rocks. Merlin can’t take his eyes off Arthur and his blue eyes, strong shoulders, all here on land. He swallows, suddenly feeling lightheaded. Arthur laughs, a joyful, imperative sound, and Merlin feels like throwing up.

It’s like 

“Hey,” Arthur says gently. “Merlin. C’mere.”

Merlin wants to tell Arthur everything he’s missed. He wants to scream and dive back into the icy lake, down to the realm where Arthur was kept from him and demand an answer to the question he’s been asking for centuries; why wait this long?

But eventually Merlin just nods and lets Arthur hold him close. He lays his head on Arthur’s chest and listens to Arthur’s heart beating, the way it had all those years ago.

“Why did you say that?” Arthur murmurs after a while. 

Merlin sits up, cupping Arthur’s face in his hands. Just because he can. Just so he can feel that cool skin against his palm again. “Why did you say goodbye?”

Merlin swallows. “Is that why you came back? Because I was leaving?”

“I thought you were going to kill yourself, Merlin,” Arthur chokes. “Isn’t that what you meant?”

“I was just going to leave England, Arthur,” Merlins says gently. “I’ve never left, in fear of you coming back and being all alone, but this century I kind of gave up.” 

“How long has it been?”

“Arthur, I-”

“How long has it been, Merlin?” Arthur says impatiently.

“It’s been thousands of years, Arthur,” Merlin whispers.

Arthur sighs. “I thought as much. I’ve heard you, you know. Little snippets of stories throughout the years. I’ve known that the world has been changing.”

Merlin doesn’t know what to say.

“I shouldn’t have come back,” Arthur says suddenly. “You were just about to move on, about to live out your life without me; I’ve ruined it.”

Arthur almost sounds like a child, petulant and sullen, and Merlin starts to cry. “Arthur, you coming back is… the best thing that’s ever happened. Please don’t go back there, I couldn’t bear it.”

Arthur wraps his arms around Merlin’s waist and holds him for a while. Merlin can’t stop crying, from shock and relief and  _ exhaustion _ . It’s all catching up to him now, the time spent from Arthur.

“How did you survive, Merlin?” Arthur says softly. “It’s been so long.”

Merlin sniffles. “I don’t feel like talking about it at the moment. Later. Later I’ll tell you,” he promises. 

It’s getting cold now; the sun is beginning to set. Merlin doesn’t feel it, but he knows that Arthur would in that chainmail of his. “Want to come home?” He asks.

Arthur smiles. “I would love to find out what small hole you’ve dug for yourself,” he teases. “Do they still have peasants, Merlin? I bet you’re one of them with those holes you have in your jeans.”

“It’s called fashion, Barbara, look it up,” Merlin retorts, feeling a light buzz in his chest at the banter that they’ve already fallen into. He stands up, brushing off his soaking jeans and offering Arthur a hand.

“What did you just call me? Barbara?” Arthur mumbles, but doesn’t get a reply. They make their way across the grass and into the city.

  
  
  
  


Merlin’s managed to get Arthur into his apartment somehow; he’s been reminded in the past ten minutes how much the world has changed since Arthur’s been gone (he refuses to ever say die, it’s too finite), but also how much it’s stayed the same.

“Look, here’s the bath, see?” Merlin says cheerfully as he peels off a dazed Arthur’s sopping wet clothing in the bathroom of his apartment.

Arthur’s doing great really. He got a little frightened of the cars, almost drawing out Excalibur before forgetting that it was still in the lake, but the tall buildings didn’t seem to phase him too much. Neither did the elevator. Merlin’s proud of him through the shocked haziness that’s been fogging up his mind. 

Merlin turns off the water when it gets to an appropriate height, then helps Arthur get in. Then he peels off his own clothing and clambers into his bath without thinking about it too much, then turns red, not wanting to assume, or impose. He doesn’t have to worry, though, because Arthur crinkles his eyes up in a cute fashion and grasps Merlin’s hands in his. The warm water seeps into Merlin’s skin and into his heart. 

“I love you, Merlin,” Arthur says suddenly, without warning. Merlin laughs, a happy, bubbly feeling rising up inside him like champagne, and brings their intertwined hands up to his reddening chest. 

They’re sitting closer now. “You haven’t changed one bit, you know that?” Arthur asks. 

“You haven’t either,” Merlin whispers, realising how close Arthur’s golden face has gotten. 

Arthur ignores him in a very Arthur fashion. “Your eyes are still so dark,” he breathes with an air of arrogance, like he’s studying something on the wall. “And your hair is still so messy. Why is it always so messy?”

Merlin fights down the urge to reach up and fix it, because he’d have to let go of Arthur’s hands that are rubbing calming circles on his skin. “Is that a problem for you, Arthur?”

“No,” Arthur says seriously. “The problem is that I find it endearing.”

Merlin laughs, turning even redder with the steam rising up from the water, and Arthur leans in to kiss him. 

Everything makes sense now, as Arthur untangles their hands and reaches up to wet Merlin’s hair with his fingers. It’s all coming together for the first time in centuries. He suddenly realises that he would do it all again, wait all these years one hundred times over, to kiss Arthur. He tilts his head to the side and lets Arthur kiss him until the water gets cold.

Later, when Arthur’s dressed in Merlin’s sweatpants and they’re lying in Merlin’s bed, Arthur asks a very important question.

“What do we do now?”

Merlin sighs out a long breath. “We sort things out, I suppose. There’s so much you need to learn about what you’ve missed; we can go travelling. I’ve always wanted to go travelling.”

Arthur smiles. “That sounds good. You teaching me things. That should be interesting.”

Merlin laughs, shoving him a little. 

But Arthur frowns again. “What about us? We can’t just say warm fuzzy things to each other forever, you’ll get bored of me. It’s also very improper.”

“I’ll never get bored of you, Arthur,” Merlin breathes, chest tight. “I waited this long, didn’t I?”

Arthur just stares at him then, deep in thought, then pulls him into a long kiss.

When they pull back, Merlin also adds, “And it’s okay to be gay now, okay? No one cares about blokes kissing blokes. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Really?” Arthur laughs, scratching his head. “That’s weird.”

Merlin smiles, then pulls Arthur close again, suddenly not bearing to not be touching completely. Arthur rests his chin on Merlin’s hair and hugs Merlin back gently.

“I love you,” Merlin whispers into Arthur’s bare chest.

Arthur pulls Merlin closer. “I know, clotpole.”

“Hey, that’s my word.” 

Then Merlin starts laughing, a strange mixture of relief and joy. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to say that.”

Arthur kisses the top of Merlin’s head. “I suppose we’ll be alright then.”

“Yeah, Arthur. We’ll be all right.”

\- _well i never really thought that you’d come tonight_

_while the crown hangs heavy on either side_

_give me one last kiss while we’re far too young to die_

_far too young to die -_

**Author's Note:**

> wow, you made it. what do you think? did I do merthur justice?
> 
> check me out on tumblr @arthurlervesmerlin and literally comment one word and i will personally hand over to you my first born child. i will, don’t think i won’t.
> 
> love you guys and hAppy PriDe!!! comment below what you’re doing to celebrate! (I’m decorating my room and i made a great playlist on spotify!)


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